I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
