I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Shame is for Republicans.
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