pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
