All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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