i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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