Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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