Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
