When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
