Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
