so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
