I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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