i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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