Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
