HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
