He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
