After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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