I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
