And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
