I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
