Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
