Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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