We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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