He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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