your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
