I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
