the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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