my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
