glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
