Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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