So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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