Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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