CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
