When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
