My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
