you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
