just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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