the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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