he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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