It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
