some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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