I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
