Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
