You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
