i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
