There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
