I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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