No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
