break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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