I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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