just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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