It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
