My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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