Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
