They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
