I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need water and some morals
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
