You smell like a Billy Joel song
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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