Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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