you win again, gameday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
