I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
