Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm passing your future prison.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
