Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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