i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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