Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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