Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
