Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
