Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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