I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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