I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
