I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
