Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
