I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
