my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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