I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
