I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
