My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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Semen is not good for contacts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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