the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
