Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I would ride that face into the sunset
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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