So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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