my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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