How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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