Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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