M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
