did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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