I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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