Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
