So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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