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• (310): View more from California

  Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that only happened once.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Haha hell yea

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.

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