party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
