so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
