Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
