Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its not stalking. its research.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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