im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
