I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So vagazzling was a success
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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