wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
