No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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