Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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